watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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