What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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