Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
