if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
