Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
