Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
Randomize
