You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
