That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
