I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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