please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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