is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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