Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
