You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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