I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
