eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
