Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
this is an emotional support booty call
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
