Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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