I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
