I just made out with a guy for $7.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
