Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
