i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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