I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
