She is in my trunk
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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