i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
