I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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