you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.�
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
