You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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