Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
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