I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
