Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
