wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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