I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
