I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
