i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
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