your room smells of hookers.
And success
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
