So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
