Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
