You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
