He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Operation Purity has been aborted
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
