i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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