She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
