Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
