I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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