That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
