FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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