Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
