it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
false alarm, still single
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
