i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
