i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
