Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
