honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
