bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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